


Only Clint Would Have This Much Trouble With Bathrooms

by minerva_winchester



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Clint has issues with bathrooms, Crack, M/M, inspired by Jimmy Fallon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-21
Updated: 2015-05-21
Packaged: 2018-03-31 13:57:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 956
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3980644
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/minerva_winchester/pseuds/minerva_winchester
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Clint struggles.</p><p>Inspired by Jimmy Fallon's #Hashtags segment</p>
            </blockquote>





	Only Clint Would Have This Much Trouble With Bathrooms

**Author's Note:**

> This work was inspired by Jimmy Fallon's #Hashtags segment. Specifically: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YZfkgTArM24 and https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s-CtWnZwZBs  
> Literally my first thought when I saw the first one was "that is something Clint Barton would do."

In his defence it had been a long day. He was just getting back from an op with that dipshit Senior Agent Johnson and he needed to pee before he met with Fury. So it took him a couple of seconds after opening the door to the toilet cubicle, and really why do these doors open out when every single other toilet worldwide opens in, to realise that this particular toilet was in fact occupied. 

The man currently sitting on the toilet looked up from the tablet in front of him to stare at Clint with what could only be described as incredulity, but due to the aforementioned (fuck off he has a GED) tiredness Clint failed to notice the look and instead lost himself in the most beautiful pair of blue eyes Clint had ever seen.

A faint plop brought Clint back to his senses with the reminder that he had just barged in on someone who was currently on the toilet. A man who despite being stared at was still able to shit. Which really is quite impressive.

Closing the door Clint mumbled out an apology and took the free toilet at the end of the row.

**

The meeting with Fury hadn’t been going too badly until he mentioned that Clint would be getting a new handler. And that this handler was Clint’s last chance to prove that he could work within SHIELD.

So, like a good Agent, Clint went down to the specified office and knocked.

“Come in.”

Rolling his shoulders in a futile attempt to relieve some of the tension across his shoulder blades Clint entered his new handler’s office-

-and came face-to-face with the man from the toilet.

Specifically the man he had, not an hour earlier, walked in on taking a shit. On the toilet.

The man with the beautiful eyes.

He must have said that out loud because the man, Agent Coulson, raised a single eyebrow as his lip twitched minutely.

“Agent Barton, have a seat.”

He was so fired.

**

Agent Romanoff had been a SHIELD agent for nearly 3 years at this point and she was used to her partner doing weird things so when she heard him enter the cubicle next to hers in the women’s toilet at HQ she didn’t even blink. 

Then, less than a minute later, she heard him whisper to himself “please not now”.

That concerned her. What could Barton possibly not want to happen when he was on the toilet? Surely that was a good place for nearly everything to occur. She certainly couldn’t think of something that would require that tone of desperate pleading.

So when he groaned and made a crying noise she was even more concerned.

Flushing her toilet she exited her stall and washed her hands, turning to lean against the sink waiting for Barton to emerge.

It took him 5 minutes. 4 minutes of which he spent faintly whimpering. Then she heard him piss and what sounded like him crying before he finally emerged looking faintly flushed and it occurred to her that maybe he was having trouble peeing.

He probably had an STI. And if he had one so did-

“Hey Tash.”

“You should go to Medical.”

Clint glanced sideways at her from where he was washing his hands looking faintly confused.

“Why?”

“So they can give you antibiotics.”

Clint stood up and looked around the bathroom, saw the hand dryer and proceeded to wipe his hands on his pants.

Honestly.

“Why?”

“If you’re having trouble peeing you should go down to Medical so they can give you antibiotics. Oh and make sure you get some for Coulson too so he doesn’t have to go down there and ask for them, the rumour mill is full enough when it comes to you two as it is.”

Clint stared at her as he flushed a truly amazing shade of red.

“I uh- I mean … with Coulson we don’t- we haven’t- he’s our handler I mean- I DON’T HAVE AN STI!”

The junior agent entering the bathroom took one look at Clint who was still that impressive shade of red and Natasha who was standing with her arms folded and a single eyebrow raised and decided that she didn’t really need to pee after all.

Clint apparently took Natasha’s silence as permission to leave and fled.

**

“I was in the bathroom!”

Phil raised his head from one of the truly riveting reports he currently had stacked in various alarmingly tall piles around his desk and looked at his boyfriend who was whispering despite having closed the door behind him.

“And?”

“Do you know how hard it is to pee with a boner?”

Stifling his smile Phil continued to stare at Clint taking in his flushed cheeks and the section of hair that was sticking up from where he had clearly run his hand through it in frustration.

“I recall you being the one who suggested we send pictures when the other isn’t around.”

“WHY DIDN’T YOU JUST CALL ME?”

Now Phil really did smile.

“Because I have to be on a plane in 20 minutes and I won’t have time for anything like that until I get back.”

Clint glanced back at him from where he had been pacing the room and smirked.

“Really sir, 20 minutes?”

And if Phil was slightly late for his plane no one questioned it after all it was inconceivable that Senior Agent Coulson, the Agent’s Agent whose life was SHIELD and who was unwaveringly dedicated to ops and the welfare of his agents, would ever do something as unprofessional as give his boyfriend a blow job at work, on his couch, where his boss and friends sat whenever they came to visit.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! If anyone has any funny videos or prompts for me head over to my tumblr (minervawinchester). Exams start in like 10 days so I will be doing a lot of procrastination between now and then!


End file.
